Under Currents

Well tonight is the last night I will sleep in my bed (read: stay up too late not sleeping in my bed, but enjoying sitting in it just the same).  It is a strange sensation.  Strange because it is always strange to think of what you can't know and speculate what you will feel when you encounter that unknown (waste of time really, but you can't not do it) and stranger because a lot of what I would be feeling and thinking is suppressed by my desire to be a trooper about this and meet the expectations of everyone who counters my smallest anxiety with "Oh but you'll be on an adventure" or "Yes but you'll be having so much fun you won't notice" and other such things.  Don't get me wrong, I know they are meant as a kind reminder of what is speculated reality on their part and encouragement and so on and I take them as such!  In fact, I know that in part they are right about all of the above.  Still.  I am going to have my down days too.  I am going to have to get over the heart wrenching reality that my beloved is not next to me every night and my family is off doing their craziness without supervision every day and my mother may be mistreated or have an episode at her nursing home or my grandma may need me to vent on if she get in a tizzy or my dog's hip might give out on the stairs again or, and, or, and or.... and so on.  All these things that, while we are here we feel like we can control or are needed for or help with that without us seem like they would just spin off into chaos and destruction.  Most of the time that's not really true, but it feels that way.

So I feel like I am not feeling.  That doesn't make sense unless you think about it really really hard for a minute, I realize.  I've been doing a lot of "not thinking" and "not feeling" of things that are negative or things that are anything other than keeping on an even keel and maintaining my balance and trying not to let this trip and its implications get on top of my brain and stomp it into a fine mist.  I've been very successful with that objective.  No amount of mental and emotional self possession keeps things out of the undertow thoughts though.  Today I had a major headache all day that I couldn't beat off with two doses of Excedrin Migraine and nausea with dizziness that wouldn't loosen its grip no matter what I did for it.  I am guessing its the physical manifestation of the swirling nimbus of anxiety I have been shutting out of my mind.  Thankfully, at the time of this writing, it has subsided to an acceptable throb the level of a minor sinus headache, which is a great improvement.

There are so many things and people and routines that I am going to miss while I am on my adventure, and while I have no doubt that it will be an adventure - one very worth having - that fact does not remove or negate the sensation of loss that accompanies knowing that tonight is my last night here, tomorrow my last day, for a little while at least.  Even before I leave, part of me is already looking forward to being home again.

Then again, if you never leave the things you love, you never get to experience the joy of coming back to them, right?

Give Normal a Great Big Hug

This last weekend that I am in the States I am giving normalcy a great big hug goodbye.  Bruno wanted to give me a very special weekend, to see me off with fond memories, but I already have those!  It is the Sunday morning breakfast and Saturday night before playing video games with him that I will miss, not some trip to a hotel or special day out at the museums or zoos.  The day to day routine of time together and time spent doing the little hobbies that fill my time when homework does not is what I will miss when I am away; when I am at Oxford I will be enveloped in 'special' and for my last days here I want normal.

To all the students who may read this before going abroad themselves, this is my advice: give normal a big hug before you go!  Let the last days you spend with family and friends be as they always are.  It will be the last dose of normal you might have for a long time.  Cherish it.  I know I am cherishing it - and so I leave you to get back to it!

Enter the Unease

Well, we are counting down now.  In one week's time I will be spending my last night in my bed for some time.  Trouble is, I'm not exactly sleeping so well now.  Insomnia, my old nemesis, has reared its ugly head as I fly the turbulent airs of anticipation and anxiety.  It is too early to pack, too early to be really ready beyond the preparation stages of a take off checklist - but not too early to be mentally repeating those actions in my imagination over and over and examining the process for missing pieces or mistakes.  Joy.

I will be glad to get underway, at least then I will be actively engaging the beast as it were.  Still, while those feelings are highly charged, there is also the sense of desperate clinging to the time I have left here with my significant other and family.  Each minute seems to hang and fly by at the same time; it is an uncomfortable limbo of eagerness to be on my way and reluctance to depart my routine and comfort zone.

Most of all I am concerned with making the absolute most of my time with my significant other, Bruno, before I am parted for him for the longest period ever in our (nearly) nine years of togetherness - in what most people would consider the claustrophobically sized room we share.  I will miss our nine year anniversary while on my travels, but it is of small matter if we make up for the lost day when he comes to visit me at the end of my semester at CMRS.  That is what I most look forward to when I become anxious about being apart.  Such a special trip together is something we would not have undertaken if I were not to already be across the ocean and so seizing the opportunity seems like seizing a dream we didn't know we had.

I am sure that the anxiety will burn off in the fires of productivity once I am actually at CMRS, but for the time being I am gnawed upon by my own self-doubt and general worry about being away from the home fires.

The Inevitable Pre-Trip Shopping

There's always a few things you don't have that you need before a trip (in my case, more than a few - downside of being a minimalist). 

I wanted to get a new camera for adding video and pictures to this blog and for memories, so I went and searched for the Flip style cameras that we used in my recent Advanced Educational Technologies Class because of its ease of use and compact simple button design.  I have a very nice digital camera that has a lot more bells and whistles, but I felt like it would be too cumbersome to work with, and fiddling with it for minutes on end to set up a shot might make me the target of the nefarious pick-pockets you hear so much about preying on us touristy types.  Also, I admit, I lost the cord that connects that really nice camera to my computer almost immediately and it has not been seen in some time, probably it will not be seen ever again.  I did find the Flip I wanted at Amazon (which I love) for a pretty good price, so that is what I will be bringing photos and video to y'all with!  It's battery operated too, so that's one less thing I had to worry about plugging in.  This required, of course, the purchase of multiple packs of AA batteries which I got at cost (YAY) because I work at a place that sells them and they love me.

Electricity is a fascinating topic, if you care about that sort of thing.  I never did, but then I had to pick a place to travel to which has different outlets (apparently it is the thing for all countries in Europe to have different outlets - who knew?) and different voltage (more of a problem really than the outlet shape if you can believe it).  I spent some hours online reading and researching about what I needed to do to get the things I need to plug in not to blow up or cause a power outage while I am over in jolly old England.  Turns out, all the electronic devices I am planning on bringing (Macbook Laptop, PSP, iPod, etc) are all what's called "dual voltage" - that means in layman's terms that they won't fry on England's current, even though England has way more than we get over here in their outlets.  Yay for that.  Didn't help me with the plug size issue though!

To find out if your items are dual voltage you need to look at their converter (the black box in the middle of the cord for those like myself who aren't real up on these things) if it has one.  I can tell you that all the Macbooks are dual voltage for sure because I called the MacSpecialists near me in a panic about mine and they assured me it has been that way for years and will continue on forever to be the case.  You will, however, need a different plug shape.  I recommend just biting the bullet and buying the Apple MB974ZM/A World Travel Adapter Kit because it comes with the very specific Mac charger designed plug attatchment that goes into what already charges your laptop and comes with another USB plug in cord to charge your iPod if you happen to have one of those as well.  Also, to my mind, my laptop was a big investment and it is the top priority to keep it safe and healthy so I can use it on my trip and in school forever.  Feel free to call up your local Mac place to get it, but the price is the same either way.

I also grabbed up a few other electronic solutions, which I will report on the effectiveness of when I get a chance to test them out overseas. 

Additionally, I bought two hoodies which I am calling my "anti-theft hoodies" because they have a bazillion and one interior pockets to stash my valuables in.  If I can't even find them all, it should be at least a challenge for those pesky pick-pockets.  I got them at Think Geek and if they are as useful as I hope they will be you will be hearing more about them later.  In any event, they are comfortable and warm so that's a good start!  Add to that two new pairs of jeans (my old ones were getting a little raggy), a book for the plane to soothe me (Dragonsinger (The Harper Hall Triology) if you are interested - I could read this book end to end from now till my eyes fell out, though I would say it is probably more empowering for girls than it would be for boys, it is just one of those 'woobie' books for me), and some other odds and ends. 

All told, I would say about $250-$300 went into the 'preparation' buying, but I think I am done (or about done, we'll see) plus the plane ticket of course!  Virgin Atlantic Economy class, which if I am lucky will let me pretend that I am on a bus the whole trip sitting in the middle and not looking at the windows!  Busses may be cramped sometimes, but they do not - to my knowledge anyway - fall out of the sky. 

The Much Anticipated Blog

I know that I have been saying I would pass out links to my travel blog for some weeks now, and haven't had a blog to link anyone to! Thus, this is the creation of the much anticipated (mostly due to my hyping it admittedly) blog has finally occurred. I had wanted to use a different hosting site and am not entirely sure that I am pleased with the formatting options provided here, but we will see how it goes.

If there are any problems/comments about formatting and colors, go ahead and make them now. It is a good time to get used to posting comments on posts, signing up for RSS updates, and letting me know if I am going to give you eyestrain with the format!

Much appreciated all who come and follow my journey, there will be as much interesting material as I have time to collect and post.